Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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