either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
