I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And then he peed in my hair
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