I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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