I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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