I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
