Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
