wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
