That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
NoShamevember. You game?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
