do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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