the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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