My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
