What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
