Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
