your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cockslap morals
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
