Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
