I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
