Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
