He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the day after is always just damage control
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
