I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
