Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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