..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
