im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do herpes really smell.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
