Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
