if i can run in heels then i can drive
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there is glitter all over my balls
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