Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
