I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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