Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
