I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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