non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
