yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
