Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
