I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i've created a new STD.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
