I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
