We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
