i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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