thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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