You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
