I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
