plz talk dirty to me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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