last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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