Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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