I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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