He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
