YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
