I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
