i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
