did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
