I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
