so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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