drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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