idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
