It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
